NOT SO MELLOW YELLOW

I feel as though I might vomit. Partially because my stomach has lodged itself firmly up in my throat.

And I'm not even sick.

No, no rather I'm an idiot. I mean, it's been a long ass night. I was late at the office earning myself a couple hours of overtime and all I really wanted was to be home for the night so when the light turned yellow I gave it a little gas and as I sailed through the intersection I noticed in the corner of my vision the ominous shadow of one of Cincinnati's finest.

I do believe I uttered, "Oh f**k me."

I then proceeded to do the "ohpleaseohpleaseohplease, God no" dance.

Because the light? IT. WAS. YELLOW. And I know that means clear the intersection and hey, you. Dumb ass coming up the off ramp. STOP.

But I didn't stop. No. I breezed on through that intersection like I enjoy lighting C notes on fire. And as that cop pulled up behind me I could feel my chest tighten and my cheeks flush and I begged for that cop not to turn the way I was going.

But he did.

I was in a panic because oh my God, I'm not showing NEARLY enough boob to sweet talk my way out of this. BUT IT WAS YELLOW! Not red. Not even ORANGE. Y-E-L-L-O-W. He MUST be screwing with me. Like a sick, perverted cat and mouse, he was just toying with me and strewning about my entrails before going in for the final kill. That dirty, rotten son of a bitch. I hope he's getting his rocks off from this because oh my GOD. Just pull me over already you asshat cop.

And then, as I pulled up to the next intersection and threw on my blinker and the cop continued on straight... I apologized to his mother for calling her a bitch.

And right now my mother is LOSING. HER. SHIT. I wasn't speeding mom!

Especially after that cop started following me.