I had a job interview today. It was one of THOSE places that are overly concerned with employees stealing and as a way of THWARTING this tendency, they give you a questionaire to fill out that asks you REPEATEDLY if you would ever/ have ever/ hang out with people who have ever/ would ever steal. On a scale of 1 to 5.
The thing is, I don't steal. I have never stolen anything (except my cousin's legos when I was 4 and I felt so horribly guilty about it I didn't even tell my mom. I threw them away so I couldn't enjoy the fruits of my thievery). I don't hang out with people who steal. The only thing these "tests" do, is make me suspicious of other people. And one of the questions, ridiculous (only one?!). It asked if I thought exaggeration was lying. Now, if you want to be technical and textbook about it, everything that isn't EXACTLY the truth can be construed as a lie. But I just think exaggeration is a form of good storytelling. EVERYONE IN THE WORLD EXAGGERATES! Except maybe God but you never know with those parables. And when am I ever going to use exaggeration in a retail job? And is the world against me? That was another question. Am I going to steal from the store? Only if you keep asking me that goddamn question. You're slowly killing my guilt and prostrating its (my) body on the side of some well traveled road, naked, cold, and STEALING THE $16 CALCULATOR IN YOUR CAR WHEN YOU STOP TO HELP ME! AHAHAHAHAHA. Hah. Eh.
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2 comments:
How quickly you forget our liberating sprees! Well mine and you tsk tsking.
I don't live with you anymore and you're far enough away that I can no longer succumb to your negative peer pressure.
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