FAVORITISM

In case you so happen to lack some of the finer social graces, I have a couple signs, keys, nuances to look for that might clue you into the fact that YOU are in the running for Favorite Sibling.

Some of us aren't so lucky to only have one sibling, therefore retaining the title of Favorite by default, never to be thwarted no matter how big of a pain in the ass we may be. But if you're like me and happen to have two sprightly, vivid siblings, you have to know the rules in order to keep yourself in the game.

Here are a few helpful hints to know you might be at the forefront of Favoritism:
1. If one sibling sends you an email titled: YOUR SISTER. In this case, sibling A is denouncing all claims and relations to sibling B, thereby subtley blaming you for sibling B's very existance, like I should have drop kicked mom's ovaries on my way out of the canal to prevent the chance that another might come after me. Though that may sound like you're in trouble, it is in fact a good thing IF you know how to play it off. Allow sibling A to bitch and whine and moan about whatever transgression sibling B may have done. Don't add to the bitchfest however, because this may backfire and take you out of the running for Favorite of sibling B's if magically sibling B and sibling A make up.

2. If sibling A ends said email with something along the lines of: "I love you more than Starbucks," you're an almost guarenteed shoe-in. In this caffeine driven, materialistic society, being loved MORE THAN FREAKING STARBUCKS is like someone putting you onto a SOLID GOLD PLATFORM that TOWERS, not only over the world BUT also over the only other possible choice for Favorite Sibling, sibling B.

3. If you're about to be in close quarters (all 3 of you) for more than the pre-specified time limit (varys from sibling to sibling and family to family) and you're already offering to run interference, you'd DAMN WELL BETTER BE THE FAVORITE! DO YOU HEAR ME WOMAN?! YOU WILL NEVER QUESTION MY SUPERIORITY! Not that I think you were, but just in case.


*In case someone reading thinks this may actually have happened, I assure you that NEVER in the last 10 hours have I questioned my position as Favorite Sibling. Not once.