BACHLORETTE PARTY

In no particular order:

"I SO did not trip because I've been drinking! I tripped because of the... of the..."
"The cobble stone?"
"YES! I tripped because the cobble stone's all cobbly."

"I've been taking human sexuality, so I have a few pointers for you on how to avoid premature ejaculation."
"Tell him to think about baseball."

"OH! I thought you kept saying 'cracker' and I was all like, 'don't you know that means white people?' I wondered why you kept yelling that across the restaraunt."

"She should be wearing the maternity bra, top off with the flaps down saying, 'Sup fellas! It's my last night as a single lady! Who wants a go?'"

"Red on the head means good in bed!"

"Just imagine, Christina. Three nights from now it will be the best two seconds of your life."
"NO! You shouldn't expect much your first time!"
"Yeah, I told him he probably needed to work on that."

"What if he's really bad at it?"
"He won't be. He's got rhythm."
"That doesn't mean he knows where to put it."

"I'm like a Cadbury Cream Egg! Chocolate on the outside and white in the middle!"
"Does that make you Asian in the very, very middle?"

"HEY! RED HEADED TRIPLETS... TWINS... WHATEVER THE HELL YOU ARE! There's a pole here for a reason."

"We're back here talking about wifery."
"Wifery?"
"IT'S A WORD! LOOK IT UP!"
"Just because it came out of your princess mouth does not make it a word."

"You can totally grind on him. You'll be married."
"Just make sure nothing pops up on the dance floor."

"YOU GUYS!!! We just sang TOXIC in front of a bar full of people!"
"And I have photographic evidence."
"We should have sang Hit Me Baby On More Time."

"We totally had a cleveage fight while you were in the bathroom."
"Who won?"
"I guess I did since mine are bigger."

"Ow! I need those to be not injured for Saturday!"
"EW! I didn't need to know about that!"
"Seriously? YOU'RE OKAY TALKING ABOUT PREMATURE EJACULATION BUT YOU AREN'T OKAY TALKING ABOUT SENSATIVE NIPPLES?!"

"Cracker!"
"You can't call me cracker!"
"Fine! Melba Toast!"
"I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS!"


*Names have been withheld to protect the ignorant.