JUST NOT PLAUSIBLE

Tonight we had a goodbye dinner with the roommates and Chris.

Now, Boy Roommate. He is very smart. He is a classics major going for his Masters and PhD. That little tid bit also makes him a HUGE BLOODY FREAKING HUGE (DID I MENTION HUGE?) NERD. Anyway, we managed to get into a conversation about what people name their body parts (ie - the chesticles and testicles) after I introduced my breasts as Mary-Kate and Ashley. No, I do not ACTUALLY refer to my breasts that way, but I like the looks I get when I pull out that little gem.

Boy Roommate, apparently, has not named his member so Girl Roommate and I were making suggestions. Such as Thor, God of Thunder, and Priapus, God of Fertility.

In case you are unfamiliar as I was, Priapus is the god who just so happens to have an ENORMOUS cock, as in a foot long, easy. And my question. WHY WAS I NOT TAUGHT THIS IN SCHOOL?! WTF, PUBLIC EDUCATION SYSTEM???!

While describing who this Priapus character was, Boy Roommate described this image. See:


He is WEIGHING it. On the other side of the scale is a bag of gold. BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT'S WEIGHT IN GOLD!

Me-ow.

(Another of my suggestions involved a god of thwarting. Because Boy Roommate could then thwart virginity. Fabulous, is it not? Me=GENIUS, pure and utter.)

* * *

A pirate walks into a bar with the steering wheel to his ship in his pants. Bartender asks what's with the wheel and the pirate responds, "ARR! It's driving me nuts!"

Now, I've told y'all before that Girl Roommate screwed up this joke ("ARR! It's steering me balls!" - yeah, not quite), but Chris. He'd never heard this joke. So we told it at dinner. Then we spent the next five minutes explaining it until Chris? He asked why someone would EVEN HAVE a steering wheel in their pants because THAT IS JUST NOT PLAUSIBLE.

* * *

Jimmy Carr on Comedy Central: "There was an article about why men go bald."

Random balding guy in audience: "Why?"

Jimmy Carr: "Too much male hormone. My suggestion is you stop swallowing."