THE END

As of yesterday (Tuesday, June 5, 2007), I am officially single. It was honestly a title I didn't really think I'd ever wear again.

And sure, I know, technicially I've been single for five weeks now, shut the hell up, I don't want to hear it. I obsess and find any little reason to hang on when all the obvious signs tell me I should let go but goddamn could I cling to a hope, a sliver that break meant temporary and distance meant healing, or missing, or change. Change of mind, change of heart, a sudden "Oh shit, what have I done?" realization. I've spent the last five weeks wondering, despite every reassurance it wasn't me, what I did to break it or what I should be doing to fix it, to make it not happen.

And the answer is nothing. It isn't me. It isn't anything I did or didn't do.

I cannot fix this.

He just needs to be selfish, to do what he wants to do, to not cater to anyone, and I am just shit out of luck, I guess.

No, you can't help. No, I don't want a lecture on how I'm better off without him or at least now I know or even maybe you'll come together again someday because, you know what? Screw you and your pretentious advise. I know it's there. I know it itches like a pesky mosquito. I do NOT want to hear it.

The deal now is that I'm going to be sad until I'm not.