THINGS I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO TELL MY NEIGHBORS

"Would you guys tell your friends to CALL YOU if they can't find your apartment rather than just picking a door and walking on in?"

Now, I've been a good neighbor. I haven't bitched and moaned about the guys upstairs running down the steps like they weigh 3 million pounds. Or reminded them that, typically, Sunday through Thursday nights are considered WORK NIGHTS.

But last night I made the egregious error of forgetting to lock my front door. (SHUT UP)

It was 1 in the morning. I was asleep. I SLEEP NAKED.

I woke up right as the dumb bitch stumbled into my room, looked at me, and turned around NEVER APOLOGIZING OR EVEN SHUTTING THE GOD DAMN DOOR BEHIND HER STUPID, COKE WHORE SMELLING ASS.

I helpfully yelled after her to "get the f*ck out."

I dressed so I could go lock the door behind her only to discover that my entire apartment REEKED as if she'd chain smoked an entire carton in my living room before wandering around in search of SOMEONE in the pitch black apartment.

Moron.