ALWAYS A BRIDESMAID

Well. It's finished. Bean and Bob have become united as one soul together forever.

Or, as we've been so tactfully putting it, she's his problem now. (HI BEAN! Just kidding! It's a joke!)

I'm tired and hung over and, after this weekend, I am never going to drink again. Okay, fine. I might drink again, but not for a long time. ALRIGHT! Give me a week back at work. I'll change my tune.

Two nights in a row of the drinking, and two nights in a row of the taking a (couple) shot(s) when I really should have known better. I think I've figured out a system (if you can call it that) wherein I keep a good buzz going for most of the night. Last night that consisted of ordering a beer and a water every time I went to the bar.

But then, against what would be better judgement if I did not have the buzz, I agree to take a shot with whoever made THAT dumb suggestion (Rico, Trini, Bob, and Trini, I'm looking at you).

I've felt not quite awful, but not quite right all day.

And my teeth hurt. For no good reason I can discern.

BUT! I had one hell of a time and without further ado I present you all with:


MY HIGHLIGHTS OF THE EVENING

• Grandma trying to get in Grandpa's pants. They've been divorced for 17 years. (Mom: "Are you writing something for your blog?" "Yeah, the highlights, including Grandma hitting on Grandpa." "Honey, if you think that's a highlight you need to get a life.")


• Clomping down the stairs at the church before the wedding and yelling, "I AM A DELICATE FLOWER!"


• One of Bean's old high school friends walking up to me after the wedding and saying, "I heard you were upset about Bean getting married before you and I just wanted to let you know I understand." Um. The hell? Tell me, exactly, which one of the voices in your head told you that?


• The running commentary from Trini in the video ("Aw. Isn't the bride pretty? I really need a beer.")


• The fly that got drunk in my glass of champagne for the toast. (Yummy, yummy protein.)


• I definately made a toast and the theme song from the Love Boat may or may not have been dramatically quoted.


• Chasing after two of my nine-year-old cousins around and around and around the tables while double fisting it and nearly wiping out. This and the fact that I couldn't take a full breath in that damn dress consisted to my flushed appearance for most of the night, much to the concern of the best man.


• Mom having to get practically naked EVERY TIME she had to use the bathroom


• Having dad hold my beer so I could go to the potty and then stealing his when he had to go. Because it was cold and had more in it. And then I got it up my nose.


• Wayne pointing out JUST how white my legs are. Bastard.


• Spitting out the car window on the drive home and hitting Trini.


• Contributing to the whole "something old, something new, something borrowed, somthing blue" superstition by being the "something blue". By taking a picture of my butt. With my skirt tucked into my underwear. For Bean to keep in the bouquet as she walked down the aisle.

Now, before you ask, yes, I did bring my camera, but I didn't take any pictures because, well, everyone else had cameras. I did, however, get what I consider to be the MOST IMPORTANT WEDDING PICTURE OF THE WEEKEND:





That's right folks. That is EXACTLY what it looks like. Ribs. Better yet, Trini ribs. Mouth-watering, fall off the bone, oh my God where have you been all my life ribs.

And those alone would have totally worth the drive.