THE INNER WORKINGS OF THE FEMALE MIND

Dear Interwebs,
Hi. I don't know if you've noticed or not but I am a girl.

If you're shocked, you're an ass.

Anyway! As a girl, I have this awful tendency to over analyze things. Things such as the global impact I'm having should my morning shower last over 10 minutes, or how wasteful I'm being by not eating the heel of the loaf of bread, or the sheer extravagance it now seems to drive to Clifton on the weekends to see my friends, or how guilty I feel for leaving my dog every day all by himself and placating him with food and OMG! He's going to be a fat, sausage dog because I only walked him 3 miles today instead of 4 or 5 and he definitely had more than his fair share of treats, AM BAD DOG MOMMY, or how exactly this relationship with a certain person of other-gender is going to work out. Because you notice? That right there? I CARE. I have a somewhat vested interest in whether or not this guy will pan out, something I had yet to feel with any of the others.

Which... shit.

Because tonight? Is only our fifth date, and my imagination is running H-A-V-O-C and I CANNOT READ THIS GUY. Which... is not entirely true, otherwise I would not have this previously mentioned gut instinct. So what that means is it isn't so much that I can't read him, I just don't trust myself to do it, because, what if I'm wrong?! What if he's just pretending to be interested in hanging out with me for some malicious reason? (Okay. I know. I KNOW! I am perfectly aware of how dumb that sounds, honest to god, I am, but as previously mentioned, I am a girl and therefore cannot be held accountable when logic and common sense take an OCCASIONAL vacation because I'm just a little bit more than slightly interested in a guy. A guy who happens to be smart and funny and successful and the brand new love of my preshus puppy's life.)

But, then again, tonight IS our third date in a week's time.

I'm pretty sure he's interested.

(The hell, though? What do I need, a freaking neon sign and his head firmly lodged up my ass? Um.. actually... that sounds like exactly what I want. Is that really too much to ask?!)