A BLOG ABOUT MY FEELINGS... AND BOYS... AND MY FEELINGS ABOUT BOYS

Dear Reader(s), I have a bit of a conundrum on my hands. I am going to a coworker's wedding this afternoon with Bachelor #2, who, at this point and if I was smart, I would drop like a bad, bad habit. Because he pissed me off something awful last night.

Twice.

You see, Bachelor #2? He was in Texas on business, and apparently his business is MUCH different from my business because he called me Tuesday night a little worse for wear in the beverage department, which he obtained for free. I took this as an opportunity to give him a little good-natured ribbing because we'd been on three dates to this point and the guy has not attempted to touch me. Open my car door? Yes. Pay for me? Yes. Ask me out again and again? Yes. A hug, a kiss, a cordial handshake? Sorry about your luck.

So I called him out on it by merely suggesting that if he were interested at all in making a move, I M-I-G-H-T be receptive (EXACT FREAKING WORDS HERE PEOPLE).

He took that to mean that our line of conversation could jump from first to fifth gear WITHOUT ANY TRANSITION WHATSOEVER. And I'll admit, I did not do the best of jobs reining him in once it went down hill. And holy god, what a hill.

But it was in that course of conversation that he all but invited himself along to this wedding because I was not yet with date. (This was BEFORE he turned all smarmy on me and yes, that is my only defense. What? You want to make something of it?)

Then last night he decided to stretch his perverted reach once again and demand something inappropriate in exchange for going to this wedding and after I shot his ass down he called later to SEE IF HE COULD GET OUT OF GOING. His excuse was that his dad was mad at him that he'd been doing all this work on his house while Bachelor #2 was gone on business and he really needed to spend the day helping out so his dad didn't ditch him completely.

Also, I was apparently wound a bit tight because I didn't find his "jokes" nearly as funny as I had on Tuesday.

Lucky for him, he grew up with three sisters and knows that the uncomfortable silences equal TRYING TO QUELL THE RAGE.

And really? At this point, I don't want him to go with me but he still is for a number of not very good reasons which I will list for you now:

• I had already turned in my RSVP with just little ole me listed on it but the coworker in question said it was still okay and, in fact, encouraged me to bring somebody.


• Once I told her I really was bringing someone, she had to rearrange her seating arrangements to accommodate him. (I did not know this until it was in the midst of happening and it also moves my ass from sitting near a coworker I dislike greatly.)


• It would be embarrassing at this point to show up dateless.


• I cannot get ahold of the Distraction to try to get him to take his place.

And now I get to spend the evening babysitting a date I don't really want to have while trying not to fall over in my three-inch heels and remaining appropriate yet sociable with people I have to work with every day who are gunning for me to do something stupid so they can HOLD IT OVER MY HEAD FOREVER AND EVER, AMEN.

BUT, SO HELP ME GOD, I WILL HAVE FUN AT THIS FECKING THING!

And then I'll throw his ass to the curb.