AIRING OUT THE DIRTY LAUNDRY

Can you get fired for calling a manager a caustic asshole?*

I hate retail. I hate managers of retail stores (and food service but that's another story). NEVER IN MY WORKING CAREER have I EVER disliked a manager, unless... that's right. Retail. What is it about the phrase, "Customer service is our number one priority," that turns what MIGHT (and I use this term loosely) be normal people into raving control freaks with condocending undertones? Is it the POWER of it all because for for the love of all that is holy, it's r-e-t-a-i-l. Ooooooo! Color me impressed.

I'll give it one thing though. It has certainly taught me how to go from glaring at a manager and in one quick and easy quarter turn be smiling and asking in an apparently genuine tone how a customer is doing and what I can do to further help them today. Here. Here is my soul.

Let me give you an example of WHY these managers are so bloody effing charming in a convenient "what I thought" and "what I said" format:

Me to a customer: "Here is your receipt. Have a good evening!"
Turning to Bossy McBoss who is checking out: "Employee number?" (So the man can get his employee discount)
Bossy McBoss: "You know, usually at these places they tend tp greet you with a 'hello, how are you?'. Here it seems they just bark out 'employee number.'" (This wasn't even said TO me. It was said to his girlfriend. Can you say passive-aggressive?)
What I thought: "Are you bloody effing serious?"
What I said: "I do greet customers."
Bossy McBoss: "I would hope. Can you throw in (some other item) too?"
What I thought: "No."
What I said: "I would be happy to do that for you today, sir." (Yes, I really did say that and NO, I'm not proud of it.)
B McB: (Looking at the receipt) "Oh wow, you DID charge us for everything."
What I thought: "Imagine that! I'm competent at my job! And without the proper body parts to boot!"
What I said: "Yup. Have a nice evening."


*I didn't actually CALL a manager this but Lord strike me dead if I didn't THINK it to myself.