Oh good god did I do something stupid at work today.
I walked into the copy room as is my wont and was startled to find a rather attractive man I didn't recognize standing there. I glanced around him to where my print should have been and he told me he was almost done.
I blushed (because I'm cool), smiled awkwardly, and booked it out of there to go inquire who the hell he was and why I hadn't been informed of his presents sooner.
My co-worker was covering phones and I reached her desk in time to glance back and stare as he walked out of the copy room, looking me full in my entirely non-smiling face.
Because I'm a charmer and know how to make the men swoon.
He slipped by and out the door, smilely shyly to my co-worker in silent thanks (she was on the phone). I managed to wait until the door had closed before wheeling on her and making the first stupid mistake I made that day.
I asked who he was.
"Oh, I know!" she gushed. "Isn't he a cutie?!"
That's when I did a second stupid thing.
I agreed.
"So who is he?"
"He's one of the police officers."
Oh.
"You know, I didn't see a wedding ring."
Oh no.
"I have a few contacts in the police department. I could find out for you if he's dating anyone."
Oh god no. "Um... that's alright. I'm sure if anything is meant to happen it will."
"I don't know," she teased. "He seems a little shy. He might need a push."
Shit. Shit. Shit. "Promise me you will do NOTHING about this."
She giggled.
F*ck.
"I promise," she sang averting her eyes and smiling to herself. "You should see how red your face is right now."
* * *
Now, it will probably come as a surprise to you, dear reader(s), that I? Am not smooth. Oh, not at all, because when I see a guy I find attractive, I don't smile and flirt and show anything that could even resemble interest. No, no. God forbid I do anything that might help my cause. I'd rather glower. And make the object of my desire think I hate them. With every fiber of my being.
So I began thinking as I spent 2.5 hours stuck in snowy traffic (because Ohio drivers SUCK ASS), what would be so wrong with her finding out a little background for me? What is it really going to hurt if it somehow gets back to him that a woman he's never met thinks he's cute and would like to play with his... gun?
Other than maybe the stalking ramifications.
BUT! If it does work out and she doesn't completely humiliate me and the stars and moons align... It could certainly be considered safe sex.
(Hah! Get it?! Because he's a cop? Heh... No? I'm sorry.)
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5 comments:
I don't quite understand why this is a problematic situation.
I should clarify- Having a hot cop around is not a problematic situation!!! :) Everyone loves a hot cop.
Thanks for making me spit water on my screen. Loved the gun comment and the lame joke at the end.
My darling little sister, you really need to learn to curb your natural instinct to glower. As they say....Turn that frown upside down. (Boy, am I glad that we are several states apart after typing that one in...) Smiling is nice and should be practiced often. I am not saying to smile at men on the street while walking because all of those men are bad. (Sorry for the gross generalization but I love my sister and want her to remain intact.) I think you should ask your dear readers for tips on flirting with strangers.
BTW: I'd be delighted if you dated a cop, just not the one from Canton.
You need to have your own column in a popular newspaper
Dear Anonymous,
That would be the most kick ass job I could ever hope for. Also, travel writing.
Sincerely,
The Management
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