"Bastard! How does it feel being the first person I've ever hit THAT I WORK WITH?!"
'You aren't supposed to hit coworkers. Didn't you watch the video?"
"Hit ON. I'm not supposed to hit on coworkers."
* * *
"Do you even know what my title is?"
"I know what we call you when you're not around."
"Harsh!"
"Come on! You walked right into that!"
* * *
"So how is your son?"
"... My son? What?"
"You know, he's 26. Lives in Alaska. Needs a good woman."
"Oh, ohhh. My son. He's good. He'll be home for Christmas."
"Really? So are you going to invite me to your family Christmas party?"
"Oh, definately."
* * *
"Did you get my text..?"
"7 a.m.!"
"Wait. What?"
"You texted me at 7 A. M.!"
((maniacal cackling))
"I picked up the phone and looked at the time and YELLED AT MY PHONE so that it might send the message back to you saying I cannot receive text messages until AT LEAST 8 a.m."
((choking giggles))
"My roommate even asked me who the hell I was talking to because 7 a.m.! I was all curling up hugging my pillow. You know what it's like to be hugging your pillow? I was all nice and warm and ASLEEP."
((chortle)) "I was eating breakfast."
"I wasn't!"
"Hah. I won't do it again."
"I'm texting you at 6 tomorrow!!!"
It will have been worth it.
* * *
I sent the link to my bloggity to a sort of, not really family member who I LOVE because she likes to be mean and catty with me but I only get to see her at special events which makes me sad in my pants (I may or may not have stolen that saying (number 30)). She wrote me back to tell me I'm not right. And that MADE ME PROUD.
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5 comments:
We're all proud of you in a dark twisted sort of way. But then that's what makes us fun.
You're taken care of Auntie Boots' pizza right?
ew.
hi dad!
Aunt Boots' pizza? The hell? Have you completely gone senile with old age or were you born batshit crazy?
Don't make me tell the story from Pizza Hut..........
What the hell are you talking about?!?
At Grandpa Reiss' funeral, or actually the wake, there was a rumor going around that you were such a little angel for chewing Aunt Boots' pizza for her. You see she only had a couple of teeth. And I do mean couple of teeth. And she and you were best buddies the whole day.(I think I know who started the rumor but we'll blame it on Pizza Hut for serving beer.)
Any way that is just one example of your kindness and generosity, in a dark twisted way, that makes me so proud of you. And it also shows the dark twisted way that makes our family so fun.
Do you hate me now?
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