Behold. Exhibit A:
Courtesy of Sarah Cool who doesn't yet know how courteous she's being. (HI SARAH!)
Now, I have to give my Body credit. She tried to talk Hair down. Body? She KNOWS. She done got knocked on her big ole ass by Humidity. She knows better than to mess with that crazy-eyed loon again. But Hair? She hasn't learned her lesson yet. Ohhh no. She goes right at Humidity who's just standing there with a smug "the hell" look up on her homely face (just sayin'). And I have to imagine that Humidity didn't mean it to be such an insult, but she ruffled Hair like Hair was 10 years old, and really? Can that be considered anything OTHER than condescending after you pass the age of 10? And see, that shit right there just pissed Hair off more and she ended up calling Humidity an ugly name (it may or may not rhyme with "lucking punt") and BAM! God, it was horrible. Humidity was all over Hair like a drunk prom date and Hair? I fear she may never be the same again.
But seriously! Hair is getting WAY too old for this shit. Bitch still acts like she's 12 with all that natural shine. YOUR SHINE HASN'T BEEN NATURAL SINCE YOU GOT DYED RED FOR THREE YEARS IN HIGH SCHOOL. I don't get it Hair. You just don't seem to appreciate that these things take effort or that that blue elixor from the gods I dantily brush through you every morning does NOT just grow on trees! NO! IT DOES NOT! And I know you waited (not quite) patiently for YEARS for me to finally pay you some mind and to care and put forth some effort but where do you get off acting like such a damn drama queen and attacking Humidity like that? HUMIDITY IS BIGGER THAN YOU! HIDE YOUR SHAME! You will behave properly or I shall be forced to take DRASTIC measures. SUBMIT! I RAISED YOU BETTER!
Gah. If it isn't the humidity it's the wave. WE DO NOT ATTEND SPORTING EVENTS! YOU WILL LAY YOUR ASS DOWN FLAT and you will like it or so help me God! You'll go the way of my Dad's hair but it won't be natural or gradual.
9 comments:
Love the cat. Think you're crazy. love you inspite of it.
xoxoxo
I thought you had a cat named Hair for a few lines. Then I realized I was dumb.
Why would I name my cat Hair when I could name her a totally AWESOME name like Kat?
See what I did there? I'm calling my cat Kat (it's the same as cat but spelled with a 'K') because that is not only exceptionally witty but it's CLEVER, too.
And MICHAEL! You never commented on the story I wrote for you! ANGST!!!
Hahahahaha!!! Flora is SOOOOOO CUTE!!!
Re: Never commenting
I actually sat down to write a comment along the lines of "Great, the only woman to fall in love with me would be on another planet," but it seemed like I was complaining about the sand in my vagina, so I decided not to.
In other news - I'm funded now. Not for how you said I would be, but for my ability to burn easily when exposed to the sun.
Ohhh! If you're uptight enough, that sand in your vagina might turn into a pearl and you could fund yourself that way.
Wouldn't that be more apropos if I said I was complaining about the coal in my vagina? Then I could make diamonds.
In other news: I don't have a vagina.
But you COULD for the right price. Then you could sell yourself as a prostitute. A tall, gangly prostitute.
My knees are too sharp.
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