ITALIC SIGNALS INTERNAL DIALOGUE

I let my gym membership expire.

It wasn't worth the $40, particularly not since the weather has been so nice.

So, to suppliment my workout, I've started walking around the local neighborhoods again (which previously caused me to lose 15lbs (I've since gained it back) as opposed to the ZERO I've lost at that freaking gym.)

I was nearing the end of today's walk when I learned something new about myself.

* * *

I was still nearly fifty feet away when one of them yelled, "Hey, baby! I haven't seen you in so long! Come and give me a hug."

(Who the what now?)

Walking toward me were three scraggly looking thug-wannabe's, one of whom was now approaching me with arms spread wide.

I glared but continued my approach. It was too late to change my course and mother always said morons shouldn't be encouraged. By this point I could see my would-be hugger's features clearly, including his too large black t-shirt, the loose, black manpris that hung down to his midcalf.

And his gleeming gold tooth reflecting in the waning sunlight.

"Give me a hug."

His cronies chuckled.

"Don't touch me."

He looked at me dumbly, arms still outstretched. "What?"

"Don't. Touch. Me."

His arms dropped to his side and he squinted his eyes at me.

"Why would I want to touch you? I'm too good for you."

(Bitch, please. I never had to said I was too good for you.)

"You and your sausage patty ass booty."

(The hell?)

"My momma would be so mad at me for even..." he voice faded off as he continued his badboy saunter down the street.

(Aww, that's right, Snaggletooth. You save face cause you just got shot down.)

* * *

Now, can someone please explain to me what a "sausage patty ass booty" is? I'm reasonably sure he was refering to my back side. And I'm reasonably sure he meant to insult me. But, the hell? It MIGHT have stung if he called me something traditional, something like "fat ass" or "qahba" but why's the bitch gotst to bring breakfast food into this? I aught tell him momma.