TOOLY O'TOOL

The Distraction saw a new side of my personality this weekend, the bloody effing slave driver side.

No. He didn't call me that. I'm merely translating Sissy Boy Whimper.

Now, why did the Distraction get to see that bright and shiney side of me? Because he asked me to help him move out of his house and into an undisclosed location. (Yeah, his parent's house.)(He's not dealing with it well.)

His landlord, who also happens to be his housemate, got to see a new side of me, too. The side of me that thinks he's a huge fricking tool (the landlord, not the Distraction who is merely just a sissy). Because he is. And not just ANY tool but the Tooliest Tool who ever Tooled. He's also a world-class asshole.

Sadly, I am remiss in figuring out WHY he must think that I think he's a royal friggin tool. I doubt it could have been the two times I gave him the finger (since his back was turned both times) or the time I called him a tool (because it was said under my breath).

It could have been the glares. Yeah. It was probably the glares. I didn't really hide those.

You're probably wondering why Mr. Tooly O'Tool gets such a special distinction. Let me give you an example:

A woman that could be called, semi-accurately, Mr. O'Tool's girlfriend was on her way over, which Mr. O'Tool rolled his eyes about because fair from being his girlfriend, Mr. O'Tool is playing this woman to get her to buy some of his real estate.

But she's a bitch and kind of deserves it.

No, what really got me was the bitching about the mud in the house while we were moving (there was no mud... a leaf mayhaps, but no mud), and the fact that he asked the Distraction if he could buy the kitchen table from him. The Distraction says he likes that table. O'Tool suggests the Distraction can go buy another one (buy it yourself asshat.) The Distraction explains he promised the table to DBF BECAUSE HE ASKED FIRST. O'Tool then whines like a pussy little girl that DBF never does anything around here and how unfair that he should go without a kitchen table because HE IS TOO LAZY AND CHEAP TO GO GET ONE HIMSELF.

He also makes DBF go smoke in the grass because he doesn't like the ashes on the deck.

TOOLTOOLTOOLTOOL. And not even a useful one unless it might benefit him in any way.

I'm sure you all know I'm a closed book. No one can read me. So you understand why I'm so surprised he suspects I might not be his biggest fan. Prick.