LONG STORY SHORT, I HURT MY FOOT

It is not unusual for me to drop things. My keys mostly but I've branched out. I've even dropped things like my cell phone, cups, eggs, and knives and usually quite close to my beloved tootsies. Yet, despite quite the list of sharp and/or dangerous falling within a hair's-breath of my feet, I am thankfully without scarring or a pronounced limp.

This is because as a sort of necessity against my own apparent lack of coordination, I, subconsiously, have developed a defense mechanism against such folly. I'm a very freaking quick to get my foot the hell out of the way. Seriously, though. It's almost comical to watch me kick the impending victim my leg out of the way the instant something begins to slip from my grasp.

Unfortunately, I found out on Thursday, I apparently have to be watching it fall to beget the required reaction.

Now close your eyes and come on a magical journey with me through time to Thursday morning as I was all naked and wet in the shower. The water cascaded down in thick, steamy streams as I lathered my hair as is my wont. Having had AT LEAST 15 years experience taking showers, it isn't common that something as trivial as soap gets in my eyes, nor did it this day because I closed them. "Go you", you might be saying to yourself (either that or "big freaking deal") but alas that was only the first is a not-so-long line of cause and effect.

It was about the time that I shut my eyes tight that I discovered I had not the significant amount of lather in my hair. So I reached out, clumsy and blind to grab at the shampoo.

Yeah, I knocked my conditioner off the shelf. Demon bottle landed TIP DOWN on the top of my innocent foot, causing a slight welt and a bruise that I have since developed the annoying habit of knocking into with my other foot while I sleep.

I know you all think I have this rough and tough exterior and that I could probably take a bullet without so much as flinching, but it's just not true (and really, this super hero worshipping has got to stop). I whined and whimpered like the sissy little girl I am and I even created this LONG ASS BLOG ENTRY over something as dumb as dropping something on my foot. While I was naked. In the shower.

What? Why are you looking at me that way? Ew. Stop it. STOP LEERING AT ME! WHAT MAKES YOU THINK THAT IS OKAY BEHAVIOR BEFITTING OF A LADY?!!! Why are you laughing? Stop laughing!!!

Pervs.