TO TIFF'S COWORKERS

I have nothing witty to say today to entertain and regale my sister in the first few minutes of her work day. (Shouldn't you be WORKING, Tiff, instead of using the computer for personal entertainment? Does your boss know you're reading this? HEY! TIFF'S BOSS! SHE'S NOT BEING PRODUCTIVE!)

It was brought to my attention that if I don't satisfy my older, nosy sister's need to pry into my day to day life that she's bitter and resentful and just a royal pain in the ass to work with for a good part of the morning afterwards. (Not that she isn't a pain in the ass regardless.) So this is my apology because now not only is she going to be annoyed because there is no brilliantly funny update from me, but she's going to be uber pissed because I'm making fun of her. For being short. And old. Well, older than me at least. Seriously though. She really is short. I bet if you people went over to her desk right now you could see her little feet dangling JUST ABOVE the floor kicking in a rage. It's cute, isn't it, how she has to sit on the edge of the chair to touch the floor. A good prank would probably be to put her chair at full height so then you could watch and giggle as she jumped up and down trying to get her butt up on it. I bet she could even ride Hey Dog like he was a horse. I have to admit though, she is a hard worker and she'll probably move ahead in your company. Not so much for her astute attention to detail but because her head is at the PERFECT height to kiss some major ass.

And let's not forget she's getting on in years now. She may not technically be "old" yet (though you have to admit she's trying her damnedest to make it to 40) but her memory is getting a little rusty*. And she is a product of the 80's. Big hair (so what's changed?), acid wash denim, stirrup pants**, and pants pegging should all be held against her. So should that one Milli Vanilli cassette.

I would like to take this moment to let you all know I love my sister terribly and I know deep down in her soul she's strong enough to take this sort of abuse (only from me, mind you so DO NOT try this at home) and in her infinite grace and mercy she realizes I'm still wet around the ears and to keep my naivety and innocence in mind as she plots my demise. I would also like her to keep reading and enjoying my blog but woman! You just don't threaten to snitch like that!

LOVE! XOXOXO, Shanny Lynn

*Yeah, how do you like that one coming back to bite you in the ass, huh?! It was lame when you said it, too!
**I actually don't know for a fact if she ever owned or wore stirrup pants.