ASS ICE

*If you want to get truely technical the ice never touched his ass. We put it in the front. But Junk Ice didn't have the same ring.

Imma give you a rundown of my weekendedness in a particular order:

FRIDAY:
Boy Thing gets into town about the time I get off work. We decide to do nothing and rent a movie. My friends decide otherwise. One Matt and two Eric/k's commender my porch (which I must admit is a pretty freaking sweet porch) so THEY can drink and smoke cigars and cloves.

And apparently berate me for being a woman. (SHUT IT ERIK WITH A K! THIS IS MY BLOG AND I'LL TELL THE STORY HOW I SEE FIT!) Now, let's (not) take into account I was hormonal (bitchy) at the time but NO ONE says to me on MY PORCH, and I quote, "Hush woman, the men are talking," and lives to breathe another breath.

All he got, however, was a hearty, "OH ((CENSOR)) YOU," out of me for that. He failed die simply because I would have been the one who'd of had to clean up the blood. And he's huge.

SATURDAY:
Party at my place. You know why I hate having parties anymore? Because y'all are effing slobs but also because I DISLIKE cooking for you people. It's smokey and I'm running around so much I can't enjoy myself.

But you know what is worse? I HATE when someone touches my grill. GET. THE. HELL. AWAY. FROM. MY. BABY.

But that's not funny. Onto what is. Rusty likes to screw with Dan D. and by "screw with" I mean wrestle and generally molest just shy of rape. This particular tussle on the porch resulted in Rusty grabbing Dan around the neck and leaning him back so far that his hips are thrust forward invitingly. I helpfully grab a handful of ice but Matt E. did the honors of shoving said ice into the front of Dan's pants. And rubbing it in.

Luckily for Dan, he wears boxers.

Unluckily for Matt and me, he wears boxers.

Dan picks up the ice that has since fallen from his pant leg and he shoves it into Matt E.'s mouth who then jumps up and runs screaming like a girl through my neighborhood. I get a cube in the mouth, too but I'm not entirely convinced it wasn't worth it.

SUNDAY:
Boy Thing's Jeep breaks down about an hour away from my place so I go keep him company while he's waiting for his dad which means I am the BEST GIRLFRIEND EVER AND DESERVE LOTS OF EXPENSIVE GIFTS AND TOYS. AMEN.