ANAL CLEANING

Katie freaking LOVES it when I have a party. Because I clean. The ENTIRE house. BEFORE the party. Why? Why do I do this? You idiots are just going to mess it up again.

I blame my father.

Come over individually and I see nary a need to lift a finger. Dishes need done? Katie will do them eventually. There are questionable spots on the toilet? I'll hover. The floor has taken on a gray hue under the fine coat of dust? I have dry skin.

But suddenly it's a group and I HAVE TO CLEAN THINGS THAT HAVEN'T BEEN TOUCHED SINCE WE MOVED INTO THIS HOUSE. I watered plants that would have thought the Sahara Desert was a vacation. I WASHED THE SLIP COVER. I moved Frank (the pine tree) and Eliza (the mannequin*) just to mop the hardwood floors.

My sister may be uber anal when it comes to organization (according to D2Mom) but there are two people who are as anal (if not more so) than she is and they would be our father and me. Daddy taught me everything I know (that I hadn't already inherited). A forensic team couldn't find any sort of evidence in this house. Party on.

*Yes, we really do have a mannequin. Here is a picture of Aaron molesting Eliza at the luau this past winter.


It was his idea to wear her bra. He was TOTALLY SOBER. I'm not kidding.