LIFE LESSONS

Last Thursday evening I took Guinness to his very first obedience lesson at PetsMart and here is what I learned:

• Just because they recommend squirt bottles as a method of discipline (a rather effective one given your dog is on a leash and can't scamper away when he sees you reaching for it), does not mean they carry squirt bottles. Which is stupid.



• If I show Guinn a treat and bring it up between my eyes to establish eye contact enough times, I will have dreams about doing the same thing to a human child. A blond, human child. A blond, human child who also happens to be named Guinness. And in my dream I will wonder how big of an asshole some parent had to be to name their blond, human child Guinness.

Then, Friday evening I had to drive down to Clifton for the second time in one week, which put me in a foul mood, to a meeting I didn't really want to attend because it was in Clifton and since I didn't want Guinn to be alone all night I asked Adam to puppysit. He was kind enough to oblige even though I turned out to be a snippy, snarky, PMS-y bitch who got mad and annoyed at something that I had no good reason to get mad and annoyed about, while the whole time he was calm and perfectly reasonable.

Because I'm a bitch.

But you got that part, I'm sure.

While I was gone at the meeting I didn't really want to be at, I texted Adam to ask if he would run to the store just up the street and pick me up some sweet tea. He agreed because, of course he agreed. I was being unreasonable. Why would he not agree? And I learned something:

• If I ask Adam to get me sweet tea after being snippy and snarky, he will go to two different stores and pick up four different kinds (if they don't have my favorite kind) which will then make me feel quite guilty for being unreasonable.



• He'll also pick up two squirt bottles for disciplining Guinness that I will later find sitting on the dining room table and his thoughtfulness will make me feel like a real asshole.



• When I then apologize and comment how I feel like aforementioned asshole, he'll grin wickedly at me and say, "that's the point." And then I'll call him a dirty name, which I won't feel the slightest bit guilty about.