Fear not dear and faithful reader(s) for I have returned! I know it was a long and dark week without me around but you should never fret, I could never leave you, my adoring fan(s). AND as a sign of good faith, I need your help.
I need your help to be mean. I need your help to be spiteful. I need your help to be mean and spiteful but what I really need is subtlety.
You see, dear reader(s), it's the "charming" ass wipes that live upstairs. They have this unholy need to party no matter the time of night or, and this is particularly to my distress, day of the week. Like last night. A GOD DAMNED WEDNESDAY. And this after I wrote them a (relatively) non-pissy note requesting they KEEP IT F*CKING DOWN ON WEEKNIGHTS.
Now, I've come to the stark realization that the only way I can get these guys to shut up is to move, but, alas, that isn't happening quite yet. So no, I'm not asking for ideas to keep them quite. No, what I'm asking for is ideas of things I can do to get back at them. Preferably legal things. Preferably something that doesn't necessarily point to any human culprit (such as letting the air out of a tire). Because THEY don't need to know something happened, because the POINT is I'll know something happened so the next time I'm awoken for the THIRD GOD DAMN TIME YOU PIECES OF SHIT I WILL END YOU, I'll lay there, cursing, but also, I'll smile a small, weak but knowing smile as I roll over and close my eyes YET AGAIN.
Won't you help me smile?
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3 comments:
I will put on my thinking cap to help bring a smile to your darling face.....I think I'll even poll my office......This should be good. I will report back ASAP.
LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!!!!!!!!
Dealing With Annoying Neighbors in XXX Steps.
1. Ask neighbors nicely to keep noise to a dull roar after a reasonable hour.
2. When this approach fails, read lease for noise clause.
3. Depending on said noise clause, do necessary asking of neighbors, then inform landlords.
4. Repeat step 3 until they get the hint.
5. Profit.
Also- fire extinguishers work wonders on roommates, they should do well on neighbors.
Matt E again, I suggest you piss in an oven pan, freeze it, pry your frozen urine off the pan, and then slide it under their door, repeating as many times as is necessary. I realize you no longer live underneath these guys, but it's just a good life skill to have.
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