UP UNDER MY ARMPITS

Oh my bloody effing shit, I hate pantyhose. They HAD to have been invented by a man. Torturous contraption. Especially those damn control top. Control top my ass. You know what they do? They don't HIDE the rolls. They mush everything around and then cut off in the most unflattering places producing rolls that were not previously there.

Like in the middle of your stomach.

Or back fat.

Yum.

AND because there is constant pressure against your gut you can't tell if the skirt you're wearing is sliding its way up to your armpits.


OTHER SPOUTINGS OF DISCONTENT
This afternoon it suddenly dawned on me that my jaw ached and I didn't DO anything this weekend to justify that happening. It sort of felt like the back of my cheek was stuffed with dental gauze and as if I'd run my face into somebody's fist (which actually DID happen this weekend as I was attempting to wrestle the remote away from Man Friend because, despite the fact that it is MY television, the mere presents of a penis on his part negates all claim of ownership I supposedly possess.. but that was also my lip and not the back of the jaw that was causing the discomfort).

And now before any of you assume foul or naughty deeds on my part, I suspect the root cause is actually an ear infection manifesting itself in my jaw.

And I don't have any insurance right now.

Woo.