HUSSIE

MY GRANDMOTHER HAS A GENTLEMAN CALLER. I am SOOOOO not kidding. My sister and I kindly offered to take her to the Victoria Secret sale and buy her a One-Hell-Of-A-Miracle bra and a thong.

Then we had to explain what a thong was.

Apparently, it's nothing serious. They've only gone on five dates and he hasn't even tried to hold her hand yet, much to Grandma's dismay. He HAS, however, invited her upstairs and told his son she's the realor. MY GRANDMOTHER IS SOMEONE'S DIRTY LITTLE SECRET!!!

It was in the course of finding out she'd seen his bedroom that we adopted a don't ask, don't tell policy with Grandma. We don't want to know about her sex life, and she doesn't want to know about Jaymie's. I, unfortunately, do not have this sex life you speak of. You mean boys and girls get NAKED IN FRONT OF ONE ANOTHER?! AND THEY DO WHAT WITH THEIR NAUGHTY BITS?! Ew.