IT WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN, RIGHT? RIGHT?!

Man Friend was meandering around my room, picking up his clothes and haphazardly shoving them into his knapsack. He reached for his phone charger, yanking the phone from the end of it's tether, and whipping the cord toward my leg.

"YOU LEFT A WELT, ASSHOLE."

And he did.

So I came at him with a hairbrush, whacking at his butt with abandon.

"Don't make me go for the ice."

I squealed in faux terror and ran for the cup that once contained ice AND water and quickly threw the lone remaining ice cube into my mouth.


***


Previous to the packing and the welts, Man Friend had requested I fetch him a glass of ice water. I did and what resulted was pinning me to the ground and dripping melting ice onto my skin. Including rubbing the ice cube down the back of my pants.


***


"You realize that ice cubes been in your butt crack?"

I spit it at him.

I ate an ass cube. I feel sick.