Monday, November 17, 2008

A STORY ABOUT A DOG

And in particular, this dog:


For those of you unawares (which should be no one but I'll appreciate you playing along), this is Guinness, my corgi/terrier mix.

Why yes, he IS dressed like a chicken. Because he lost a bet. A bet that Adam and I couldn't restrain him long enough to get that costume on him. Fool.

Now, being a corgi/terrier mix, he has turned himself into an ever vigilant watch dog making sure that his nose prints on the living room window prevent any perp who may glance in from seeing anything but dry dog snot or telling the occasional neighbor, yeah that one, walking down the sidewalk. How DARE he pass by MY yard?! Does he not know who I am? I bet if I bark he'll learn his lesson. Yeah, yeah that's right. YOU WALK AWAY. Man, he better not come any closer. Else I may be forced to bark at him louder.

This sort of guarding technique isn't uncommon among the canine crowd, but Guinness has another "guarding" duty that he performs as if the fate of the world depended on it. See, Guinness likes to point out, through the use of pawing and especially licking, if Adam or I have a stray body part showing. One that may not be appropriate for public consumption. Like a nipple. Or certain boy parts. BECAUSE IT OFFENDS HIM.

And don't get me wrong. We've certainly tried to discourage this sort of behavior because I personally am not that fond of getting felt up by a dog tongue but we are starting to discover that it certainly does seem to have it's advantages. Like, hypothetically, when Adam throws water at my face, and as a brilliant, gleeful, only slightly evil form of retaliation, I may or may not have thrown his towel out into the hallway while he was still in the shower so he had to run the doggy gauntlet while wet and showing off body parts that Guinness is adamantly opposed to seeing all the while I giggled and cackled to my bitter, black heart's content.

Except, you know, hypothetically.

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