FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE

Man Friend and I went to see two movies this weekend and I would like to tell you about them.

TMNT (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles): We went to this because we're lame. Oh! And we were both very big fans of the original live-action versions from the 90s (L-A-M-E).

Let me tell you what. This movie made me feel old. Not because I was probably old enough to see the original in theaters. Nor because Man Friend and I were the O-L-D-E-S-T people in the theater, save parents. But rather it was this group of annoying little shits who thought they were WAY too cool.

Before the movie even started, the one nearly fell down the stairs, which I was whole-heartedly rooting for, because he tripped while he was BOUNDING (LIKE A EFFING GAZELLE) down 3-4 steps at a time. I was begging for a face-splattering dismount. Why did I ALREADY dislike them before the movie even started? Because when they first walked into the threater, they felt the need to announce to everyone present that their friend was the ONLY black guy in the whole threater. Because it matters.

By the first preview I was threatening to beat them and then ground them. For a whole month. Take that you little snots.

I have to give them credit. Either they were taught not to talk much during a movie or they were far enough behind us that I just didn't hear them, but when we were leaving, two of them pushed their way past us to get down the steps. And I didn't really feel the need to be any resemblance of polite and let the other two past me before I started down the steps. Eff you high schoolers.

That's when the one who already couldn't shut up got lippy. He made this huge production about how they should really let these nice people (ie -Man Friend and me) go on ahead of them and generally pissing me off.

That was until Man Friend turned around to give him "stink eye". And he had to look down at the kid. While on the step lower than him.

Hell, yeah, Man Friend.

***

Shooter: Mark E. Mark. At least I think that is how it goes. He made another movie. And it totally DIDN'T SUCK. The plot was good. I was interested the entire movie. I got jumpy at the exciting parts. I was particularly fond of the fact they didn't show a rape scene, simply illuded to it. There were a few gruesome head shots, but nothing that I haven't already been desensitized to.

My only REAL problem with the movie was the added soundtrack the people right behind us INSISTED on adding the ENTIRE BLOODY EFFING MOVIE.

God damn.

I don't know who you think you are but I paid just as much money to come to this movie and I do not need to hear your BRILLIANT deduction that that bomb? It's going to go boom. Are you sure you actually passed the third grade? Really? I am so very impressed you pretentious bitch. SHUT UP, DUMBASS! How can you be THAT old and NOT KNOW how to shut your damn mouth during a movie?!

GAHHHH!